[ a bit o' toilet humor. ]

Okay imagine this:

P and I are at the mall. I'm waiting for him to do his thing in Game Stop (translation: he trades in some of his old games and finds something new to buy...which ends up taking at least an hour. He's a worse shopper than I am, and that's saying something...).

I'm sitting on the little chairs that they put out in the middle of the mall for -- typically -- husbands to sit on while their beloveds spend all of their hard-earned moola.

In my case, it was me on the bench and him in the store. Anyway. Moving on.

I'm messing around with my new iPhone (Mac's new little brother), and realize, "Gee, I need to pee."

So I stroll into Game Stop to tell P that I'm running to the restroom and I receive a grunt that somewhat resembles a "Yes, dear," and I take my cute little tooshy to the restroom.

Alright, I'm going to skip the next part because I'm going on the assumption that all my readers are potty trained and know what happens in a bathroom stall.

So as I am preparing to depart my stall, I complete the final step of using the restroom. Toilet paper. Now, doing it the way I was taught, I perform a little lean-to-the-side motion to complete the task.

Apparently, the Toilet Gods do not appreciate my leaning motion and see it as severe disrespect. Lucky for me, I was in one of those new-fangled, technologically-advanced stalls with the automatic sensor for the flushing mechanism.

What I learned today is that the leaning motion is not conducive to the new-fangled, technologically-advanced toilet with the automatic sensor for the flushing mechanism, and the Toilet Gods decided to impart their wisdom upon me by setting the sensor off mid-business.

Not fun, people. NOT fun at all. I'm not one of those people that can't handle using a public restroom (in fact, I'll use one if they got it...but I don't pee in the woods. No chance.). I don't mind a little dirt. I've been to freaking boot camp, people. Dirt doesn't bother me.

However, having a standard, run-o'-the-mill toilet act like a French bidet does bother me.

Kind of gross. Okay, a lot gross.

Yeah, I really just hate it when automatic toilets go off before I intend them to. Maybe I should take it up with the Toilet Gods.

Have you ever had a toilet "flush back" at you? Nasty stuff right there.