Quirk That

Here's my list of Red's Featherbrained Soliloquy of Quirks That Makes Her Utterly Unique, Just Like Everybody Else.

*T thinks I'm OCD. I think I'm partially OCD. Everything in my house has a very specific place and if it's not there, I can't function properly until it's back. However, it's not completely debilitating. On this same point, I can't do homework at home when the house is dirty because I'll want to clean it. I just stay on campus until that is done, and then I go home.

*I take very hot, long showers. I will stay in the shower until all the hot water runs out. I think I am just naturally cold and so the hot showers feel nice. I also do my best thinking in the shower. Some people say they think best on the toilet, but for me, it's the shower.

*I love to sing at the top of my lungs when nobody is home. We don't have any direct neighbors so that's okay. And I like singing in front of mirrors. I also sing really loud in the car. My dad once caught me singing in front of the TV one time back in high school, and I yelled at him to stop laughing at me. I was basically really embarrassed.

*I am a list master. And by "master" I mean that I keep lists for everything and anything. I even have a program downloaded on my Mac for keep a To-Do List on my desktop. This also means that I have an overly abused love for Post-It notes and pads. We've got three on the fridge, one in my backpack, one on the inside of my bathroom vanity for making lists while I get ready, two in the kitchen drawer, and numerous pads in the office. I don't know why I have so many, but I have a sick attraction for them. And I just keep buying them.

*Sometimes I wonder if I even belong to my family. Don't get me wrong, because I love my family. It's just that in comparison to my siblings, we are just completely different. Different, that's all.

*I'm not even sure that I'm in love with engineering anymore but I'm stuck with it because that's what the military is having me do. I could see myself going back for a second or third degree in something else just because it interests me. Apparently I enjoy long, painful torture as well.

*I am afraid of failure. "Yeah," you say, "Everyone doesn't want to fail." But everytime I make a mistake, it's an emotional breakdown. And I can't recover by myself.

*On that same note, I can cry on cue. And I've used it to my advantage quite a bit. And I'm not sure I'm ashamed of that.

*I am in love with love. When I was in Thoroughly Modern Millie last summer, I would stand off stage during each love scene or song and watch the actors perform. For like 20 shows straight. I love watching old love movies over and over again, too. Maybe I just love the idealized version that the arts make us believe about love. I know that real life isn't like that, but I love doing it anyway. I guess that makes me an idealized romantic.

*I am overly empathetic to people. Whenever something happens to someone, I can feel their pain in my heart. And it has happened more than once that certain people take advantage of my sympathies and push me around for it. I am gullible, a pushover, and I hate that people can guilt trip me into doing whatever they want. And it happens way to often. Usually what ends up happening is that I have to break off that relationship, even though it is incredibly painful for me. I know that these people are emotionally abusing me, but I don't want to lose them either.

*I am immensely afraid of death. I have never had a close friend or family member die while I could comprehend it, and that probably contributes to the issue. Whenever T brings up the possibly of one of us dying, I have to shut off the conversation because I can't stand to think about it anymore. I hate the thought of one of my parents dying because I'm afraid of what I'll do without them. The thought of death bothers me so much that sometimes, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and have to reach over to T and put my hand on his back to see if he's still breathing. The weird thing is, I have less fear about the possibility of dying when it comes to me being deployed to the Middle East in the next 10 years or so.

So there's just the beginning of Little Red's mind.

Just promise me that you'll come back occasionally.